Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
