i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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