i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
