I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
