There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i out mim tonsoeep
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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