I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
