??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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