my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
