Soap is not a condiment
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
