My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
