WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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