U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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