Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
