So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Its about making memories worth repressing
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
