nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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