Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Four minutes until I can fart!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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