Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize