i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
