grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
