I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
