I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
