4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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