im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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