She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
