my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
What happened to fro yo and sex?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
