Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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