I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
