batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
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Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
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You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If its not for food we ain't going out.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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