I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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