So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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