whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
