Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
