my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
