i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
