Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I smell stomach acid.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
