Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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