I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
They have beer where we have blood.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
