ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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