..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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