maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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