last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
time to smoke my breakfast
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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