I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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