I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
