Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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