You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
