That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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