half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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