my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
