What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
