12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
