so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i believe in u and ur pee
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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