My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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