im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
