TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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