Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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