I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
