Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
