Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I enjoy the company of your penis
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
