Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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