wat bout pragnant strippers??
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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