well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
