marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
