Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
my liver is dry heaving
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
