I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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