dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
