Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
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He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
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I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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