Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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