I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
