I just saw a hot homeless man
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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